When I made the fateful decision to watch 31 horror films in 31 days back in Ye Olde 2009, they told me, “You cannot do this.” They told me, “It is not healthy.” They told me, “Hold still so we can get your straight jacket back on.”
Look, they told me a lot of things, but I went ahead and did it anyway, because that’s the kind of guy I am. The kind of guy who has a bad idea and will ride it into the dang sunset.
Title: TEN YEARS LATER.
It’s more fun than eating feet!
In horror movies, usually this title comes after the prologue, in which a fraternity prank went horrifically wrong and the kid they psychologically damaged is only now being let out of the asylum to get his ironically themed revenge. In this scenario, I’m the psycho kid.
But if you’ve been doing the #31HorrorFilms31Days challenge with me over these past 10 years, then you’re also the psycho kid. Hell, we’re all the psycho kid. [Editor’s note: today in particular, all women are especially the psycho kid.] And soon we shall outnumber the boring “normal” people, the world will be ours, and we’ll be doing #365HorrorFilms365Days.
If you have a genuinely disturbed mind and want to catch up the past decade of doom, well, man, it’s your life, so here you go: 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017.
All right, inhale, and one more time with feeling: here’s our usual rules, plus an extra special sub-contest to celebrate our anniversary.
Our Fetid FAQ
1. Do I need to watch a movie every night?
Am I the boss of your life? No! If you want cram all 31 movies into the last 48 hours, it’s up to you. But even your cat will hate you by the end.
2. Can I watch a movie I have seen before?
Yes. But that’s why your friends think you’re boring.
This cutie is looking for a movie buddy.
3. Do I have to finish every movie?
Sorry, but yes. If you’re not on board with this, there’s the door. And behind that door, a pit. And in that pit, a giant alligator-monster-thingie.
4. How do I play?
Use the social-media hashtag #31HorrorFilms31Days and tweet each film along the way, complete with a brief, pithy description/review. Example:
1: THE DESCENT: Cannibal cave people and unstable, bone-lined paths. A pretty terrible vacation, all told. #31HorrorFilms31Days
5. How do I win?
You “win” as long as you manage 31 films before midnight on October 31. You’ll feel like a winner, trust me. Wait, no, you’ll feel awful. It always ends with feeling awful.
6. How do I REALLY win?
This year only, for the 10th anniversary we’re running a side-contest. How many SERIES films can you watch? Did you know the Leprechaun series has 8 films? And the Hellraiser series has 10 films? And the Witchcraft series has 13? Yes, this will be unpleasant. It’s meant to be unpleasant. Dig deep, fellow gravediggers.
Assuming you reach 31 films total, every consecutive series entry you watch will be worth 1.5 in the final point tally of “winning.”
EXAMPLE A: Jack watches Carnival of Souls, Hereditary, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, and Friday the 13th, Part 7. His score would be 4, because, even thought the Nightmare and Friday moves are part of a series, they’re not consecutive. That bullshit is bullshit.
EXAMPLE B: Jill watches Carnival of Souls, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4, and a Nightmare on Elm Street 5. Her score would be 5.5, because all three Nightmare films would be worth 1.5 points. Eat dirt, Jack!
Confused? I don’t really care.
See you on the other side, freaks!
